The One That Got Away

Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same.” – Unknown

“Think about the people missing from your life, and how you feel about them. What we remember — and what we forget — may reveal more about ourselves than about them. We have photos, letters, souvenirs, and fragments of memory, but our powerful imagination takes over from there: We color in the blanks. And that’s OK. Retouching old loves is a way of understanding what we want. It helps us find our way to new ones.”

In everyone’s life theres that special someone that got away or things just didn’t work out between the two of you. Usually this person touches or changes your life so dramatically that you are never the same person and you will never forget them.

Almost a year ago back in May someone came into my life, and at that time I didn’t think of her as much just another friend. Was I ever wrong, she touched my heart and changed me.

We started off as friends getting to know one another, talking and laughing about what ever came to mind. She lived far away from me, a 4hr plane ride. Even though we were far apart we made it work through texts and Skype. She would be the first person and the last person I would talk to each day, day in and day out and the same went for her. As time went on we started getting closer and closer and realized that our feelings were more then just friendship. We both weren’t keen on the idea of long distance relationship but we said we won’t know if we don’t try. So we both decided to give it a shot and to this day that was the best decision I have ever made.

A month after we started to date, I decided to fly out to see her and spend time with her. Even though my trip was 4 days. The time I spent with her and the memories we shared are priceless, I will always cherish the time we had together close to my heart. It felt so right we made each other happier then any of us has been before. We were like each others better half. We were each others light guiding us through the darkest times in each of our lives. She knew me better then anyone else ever has, she could read me like an open book. We knew what each other was thinking, what the other person was feeling. I couldn’t hide anything from her nor did I want to. I broke down all of the walls she has put up from her past experiences, I was on the inside. I felt like she was the one who I could love everyday like it was the first day we fell in love.

Couple months later the long distance relationship finally took it’s toll on her, our so perfect relationship wasn’t perfect anymore. She decided to call it off and at that time I felt confused, angry, sad and helpless but over time I’ve come to realize why she did it and I don’t blame her nor am I angry at her for her decision. We tried staying friends but I couldn’t do it, she meant and still means so much to me more then I think she realizes. I decided to cut her out of my life because it seems like she’s moved on and I want her in my life and care about her more than she wants me in her’s or cares about me. What hurts the most is seeing how both our lives are going on their own seperate paths and neither one of us is in each others paths. Hopefully one day our paths will cross again. All I ask and wish for is that she could feel how I feel about her, and understand how much I love her to this day.

She came into my life and left footprints on my heart that will always be there. She has made me a better person, she has shown me what it means to love someone, she has played a part in shaping me into the person I am today. And now she is gone. All I have left are the memories and gifts she gave me. I guess this is why I’m writting this because I don’t want these memories to fade, I don’t want her to become some distant memory.  In every relationship there is that one thing that will always remind you of them and all the memories you shared. This one thing that will always remind me of her and our memories is something she said to me once “We’re equally cute, but we’re cuter together”

She is and forever will be the one who got away.

Serenity

Things have been going great the last week or so. I feel as i’m starting to find my balance. Everything at this moment is peacefull and calm. I’ve just kinda taken couple deep breathes and stepped back and looked at the whole picture.

Thanks to a special friend of mine who has given me some really good advice and insight on to my issues. She has kinda helped and guided me through this windy path. Life’s too short to worry about all the small stupid things, and if your hung up on the past you won’t ever be able to move forward in life and grow as a person.

On a side note my birthday’s coming up really soon like two weeks. I’m still trying to figure out what i want to do. I want it to be something different. I’ve done a house party last couple years. And the whole dinner thing is cool but I want to spice it up a bit.

All the Little Things

So it seems like it’s been close to 2 years since I’ve last posted and alot has changed since then.

The year I decided to stop blogging nothing spetacular happened just an average year I would say.

As for the the year of 2010. Lots has happened, I graduated from Post Secondary, found a career job, and met some nice people along the way.

When I initially started this blog I was confused and upset as I had no idea where and who I was supposed to be in life. I guess once I finally figured that out I stopped blogging. Well when I graduated and found a career job at 21. I was happy and content with my life. I have great friends and family, a stable job that pays well. and I’m doing something I love and have a passion for while only being 21 when the majority of my friends are still in school. I had everything I needed at the time emotionally and physically.

Well that changed in the last month or two. I didn’t have school to preoccupy my mind anymore, it was and still is free to run scenarios and over analyze situations. Not a good sign when my mind starts doing what my heart is ment to do. Analyze my emotions.

In the last month or so my mind and heart want a relationship, someone to hold, someone to love, someone to to ask you “so how was your day?” It’s all the emotions and that come along with relationship is what I miss the most. Yes some say is the emotion really worth all the heatache and pain? I say yes it always is, the good always outweigh the bad. It has been a little shy of 2 years since I’ve broken up with my ex. I’m over her but yes part of me still cares for her and think about her from time to time. I think it’s time for me to stand up and get back on the band wagaon.

On top of everything things at home aren’t as nice or as pretty as things once were. Even though it might not involve me directly but I get effected indirectly. Hearing people yelling and complaining day in day out takes a emotional toll on you. I feel as if this emotional strain ontop of my own issues is tearing me apart and my only outlet is to lash out on to other who don’t deserve it. I realize after lashing out on someone but sometimes thats just too late. I’m sorry to those who I have lashed out on the last month.

I once had all I wanted and was content, but now it’s all crumbling right in front of my eyes. The worst part is I feel as if I can’t do anything but to stand back and watch it fall.

I tell my self “it will get better it has to.” But when? Or am I just telling my self a lie? I want to be able to stop and enjoy all the little things in life, but how am I supposed to do that with all this noise in my head and heart?

A Little Rusty

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged here, and alot has changed and happened since the last time I blogged. Looking back at why I initially started blogging it seems like the main factor that drove this blog was I needed and outlet. a place to let it all out. I guess I stopped blogging cause I no longer needed an outlet things were looking up finally.

What drove me back you may ask ? I have no idea thats why I’m here to find out.

I guess it’s time to dust off this blog and start posting, my goal is to post once a week to start with.

Nobody Understands – The Midway State

Can’t cool off. You’re on fire.
No cold tears gonna put you out.
You’re awake, in love you’re wired.
Kissed her goodnight, now you walk by yourself.

You’re so confused cause they told you,
“be careful you know she’s a mess.
She is a bad situation, that girl is always depressed.”
But there’s something you feel, they can’t see it
she is the one that ignites what you got inside.
What you can’t hide.

The way you love her, nobody understands.
The way you feel her, oh it’s above their heads.
The way you bleed her, nobody understands you boy. Nobody understands.

You’re awake and you’re on fire,
burning up with how you feel.
Yeah she’s a freak and she’s a liar,
but you’re in love with the girl she’s concealed.

You’re so confused cause they told you,
“her father was bad he was messed.
She is a hard situation, that girl is always depressed.”
Where do you go when there’s no one?
When no one believes in your love?
It all shines out when you kiss her mouth.

The way you love her, nobody understands.
The way you feel her, oh it’s out of your hands
The way you bleed her, nobody understands you boy. Nobody understands.

The way you love her, nobody understands.
The way you feel her oh it’s above their heads.
The way you bleed her, nobody understands you boy. Nobody understands.

The way you love her, nobody understands.
The way you feel her, oh it’s above their heads.
The way you bled her, nobody understands you boy. Nobody understands.
Nobody understands you boy. Nobody understands.
Nobody understands you boy. Nobody understands.

You Could Be Happy – Snow Patrol

You could be happy and I won’t know
But you weren’t happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops ’till it’s madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I’d been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it’s all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don’t think, just do

More than anything I want to see you, girl
Take a glorious bite out of the world.

Weightless – Black Lab

I can see
See you there
Hanging there weightless in the air
Wind and sunlight in your hair
I can see you
I can see you there

Your olive skin
Your secret smile
Betrayed again a secret island in your mind
Lost forever
Lost before your time

Who is to say?
Who is to know the truth?
And who is there left
When nothing they said can save you

Broken glass
A bleeding wrist
A second chance for a simple kiss
I waited for you at the edge
Could you take such a risk?

On your knees, on your back
Who’d you call when things got bad?
Did they answer?
Did you ask?
‘Cause I would answer
I would tell you this

Who is to say?
Who is to know the truth?
When no one is left
And nothing they said can save you

Who is to say?
Who is to blame?
And who will you give yourself to?
‘Cause nobody wants you more than I want you

Who is to say?
Who is to blame?
‘Cause nobody wants you like I do

Who is to say?
Who is to know the truth?
And who is there left
When nothing they said can save you